Bullies

Below is our response to a teenage listener to the new WTTR App. Her question was regarding why her situation with being bullied did not turn out the way that she had prayed for it to. She has since thanked us for answering her and ended her reply with: "Keep preaching the right gospel."

Hopefully we have given her some things to ponder and practice. But most importantly, this very young lady is a saved member of the Body of Christ - and already has a peace that the world can't take away, no matter how hard they try. We hope that she will remember how strong, smart, special, and amazing she is - and that God IS on her side.

According to the most recent statistics in the US, 1 out of every 5 middle and high school students has reported being bullied. Take note that this is only what is reported.

Because bullying is such a common issue among our youth, we thought it would be important to share this response with the hope that it may help others who have gone through similar experiences as this brave young lady. Even with many schools and institutions implementing anti-bullying programs, often times children and parents report that their pleas for help still go unaddressed, minimized, or handled incorrectly.

Our youths are being victimized not only by their peers, but even by adults. And this is not only in school settings, but also in religious and social settings as well as online. If the bullying itself were not bad enough, there are also adults in authority who will turn a blind eye, blame the victim, or tell the parties to "just figure it out and get along." It is truly an epidemic that has only grown worse with the advent of consistent internet connectivity via social media and texting. For most adults 30 years and over, the type of bullying that was prevalent when we were young would be a cakewalk for the much of our youth of today. Make no mistake, while our young people have it easier than we ever did in many ways - they also have it harder than we ever did in other ways. This is one of those ways (in general) which they have it harder.

As preteens/teens, many of us could at least escape a situation by seeking refuge in our homes. But for today's youth, the bullying follows them - even after they physically leave the situation. It's in their inbox, it's on their social media, and it's in their text messages - at all hours. And although there may be just one "ringleader" - it is rarely just one sole bully who targets them. One single bully often recruits others and uses mob-style tactics in an attempt to completely destroy the targeted person - with no remorse, no empathy, and no concern for consequences, whatsoever. It causes worry, fear, and anxiety for the target - who never knows what is going to happen next or when it is going to happen. They just know it is going to happen. 

Another important thing to realize with this particular issue is that it is not just confined to being a "youth" problem. A recent survey has found 31% of Americans say they have been bullied as adults. So, plenty of grown-ups are bullies too. However, the "adult" bullies more often resort to manipulation, emotional and mental abuse tactics, than actual physical attacks. -We may hear more about the bully who commits physical attacks because that type of abuse is more easily documented and prosecuted. Manipulation and mental abuse isn't as easy to prove, because it is indeed "manipulation."

Sometimes, the manipulative narcissistic adult bully will attempt to achieve their goals by concocting a smear campaign against their victims, which in turn will paint the bully as the one being "attacked" by their targeted victim. 1 in 5 adults actually report that they have had lies told on them in which no one else defended them over. Some are given the silent treatment or ostracized by "groups." Many report being cyberbullied on social media. This adult bullying can happen in the workplace, within families, in social settings, religious settings, universities, etc. -And even those who are in leadership roles within these settings are not immune from being bullied, or actually being the bully. It is wise use discernment. Things are not always as they may seem.

Regardless of your age or who you are, chances are you've either been bullied, seen bullying happen, or perhaps you are/were the bully. Whatever the situation, we hope that our response to this young lady may provide some perspective. If you have been/are being bullied - read as though this were written to you. If you've witnessed others being bullied or know of someone who has been - perhaps this will help you to offer support for victims. If you're a bully, yourself - know that someone has your number, and maybe even your ip address.

"Hi Xxxxx. We are so sorry to hear that you've had to deal with these issues with bullies. We want to make sure that you know that the bullies are the ones with the real issues - not you.

Sometimes it's hard for us to understand why things don't turn out the way we want them to, especially when it's what we are hoping and praying will happen. We hope you understand that just because the situation wasn't handled in the way that you prayed for it to be handled, it doesn't mean that God wanted it to happen the way it did. God didn't even want you to be bullied in the first place. But He isn't controlling how people act. He gives us all the freedom to behave and act however we choose to behave and act. That means that He doesn't make the bullies act the way they do. Neither does He make the ones in charge of handling the situation choose the right answers.

Here's what God DOES do: When you pray to Him for answers, with the help of your family and friends through His Word, He will lead you to the right way to respond to the issues that you face. And this may sound crazy, but another thing to do is to try praying for the ones who are against you. It's super hard to want the best for people who are being mean to you. But remember, if they did not have some kind of problem of their own, they would not be treating you the way that they are treating you.

Have you ever seen an animal that is in terrible pain needing help, but anytime someone comes near, they just try to harm whoever gets near them? If the animal would only just calm down and stop being mean, they could be helped by someone. Bullies are kind of like that. Something terrible is harming them in their own mind and they are just lashing out as a response to whatever pain they are in on the inside. Think of a bully as that wounded animal that needs help - but will never get it unless they stop trying to attack everyone that gets near them. What they are really doing is just remaining wounded.

While it is not your job to fix their wounds and help them heal, you can pray for them that they might one day realize they are the one that needs to be fixed. It might not ever happen, but it will help you to look at them in a different way. It will change your mindset and help you to realize that they are to be pitied, and not feared. -That you have chosen to feel sorry for THEIR situation, instead of being their victim. When you understand that they are trying to make you fearful, in order to keep you from seeing their own fears - your own mindset will change toward them, and it will show in how you behave and react to their attacks.

People do these things because they get something out of it. And whatever they get out of it is either something that they think will fill an emptiness inside of them, or it may be something that they hope will distract from their own faults and failures. Either way, those who trouble you are doing it because they are getting something out of it - even though it is a sick thing to do to someone else. Often times, when you figure out what that thing is that they are getting, and no longer allow them to have it, the bully will move on.

Again, we are so sorry that it didn't all turn out the way that you hoped. Sometimes people in authority just don't handle things the way that they should. But we can't control what others do, not even through our prayers. However, we can control ourselves and our own responses to difficult situations. The best thing we can ask God to do is to give us the wisdom to make the right decisions, while allowing others to see Christ in us so that we can represent Him in the best way possible to everyone around us. How much of Christ that others see in us is up to us. That doesn't mean that everything is always going to work out according to our hopes, but it means however things turn out, God will give us the strength to endure them, and the peace of knowing that regardless of our circumstances, God loves us and is always on our side.

Here's something that we can always remember, when we wonder about why things don't turn out the way we want them to:

We don't need to worry about getting even with anyone who does us wrong. Here's why.

Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Here's another reason why we don't need to worry about it:

Galatians 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

What this means is that everyone will "reap what they sow." If we plant wheat, we will harvest wheat. If we plant fruit, we will harvest fruit. But if we plant weeds and thorny things, that's what we will reap.

When we plant a seed, we take care to water it and give it sunlight and care, so that it will grow into what it should become. And when it produces a fruit or vegetable, or even just a flower, we get to enjoy the product.

This is why we should "sow" to the Spirit, so that we can reap the fruit of the Spirit. Here is what the fruit of the Spirit is:

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Just in case some of those words are hard to understand:
Longsuffering is endurance with patience.
Meekness is kind of like humbleness or humility.
Temperance is self-control.
add those things to love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness and faith.

These are the seeds that, if we sow them and care for them - this fruit will come back to us in some form or another, so that we can enjoy it. That doesn't mean that the ones that we sow those things toward are going to be the ones who we reap them from. It may be returned to you from someone else. But according to God's Word, we will reap them - meaning they will come back to us. And that will help to give us the peace, comfort, and strength to make it through whatever life throws at us.

However, those who are sowing and caring for seeds of anger, bitterness, hatred and ugliness (like bullies do) will also have the product of those seeds come back to them, in one way or another. It may not happen the way we think it should, or in the time we think it should, but it will happen eventually.

Now, I hope you understand that these bullies are not a result of any "bad" seed that you have sown. You just happened to come into the crossfires of someone sowing bad seeds. Bullies will throw out those bad seeds just about anywhere, and then they will try to make that seed grow wherever it lands. What you have to figure out is how to resist letting those bad seeds take root in you. That's the hard part, because our first instinct as human beings is to figure out how to get them back. It's easy to let the bad things that others do to us make us angry and bitter. But that isn't what God wants for us. He wants us to pull up those weeds and chop down those thorns so that the fruit of His Spirit has more room to grow in us. It's easier said than done. But you know what? You can do it. If you couldn't, God wouldn't ask you to.

Here's something else to think about:
Did you know that the Apostle Paul started out as a bully, and then after he was struck blind by God on the road to Damascus, then given back his sight, and started doing what God wanted him to do - others started bullying him for doing the right thing? They started rumors about him, saying that he was teaching things against God. But he wasn't. They were just telling lies about him. He even got arrested because of the lies that were being told on him. But guess what? He didn't give up on doing what was right. And because he didn't, we now have the words that God gave him to give to us, so that we would know how to be saved and how to make it through this life with God on our side. He told us what to believe so that we can go to Heaven and be with Jesus forever. God could have stopped every single person that came against Paul, and I bet Paul wished He would have several times. But instead, God gave Paul the grace he needed to endure all things while feeling the peace that could only come from God, in all his circumstances. And because of that, we have instructions straight from God about how to feel that same peace in all of our own circumstances.

And what about how they bullied Jesus? Jesus had all the power to stop anyone who came against Him. But He endured it all, just for us. He did it because He loves us that much. He even died for us. But guess what? He rose from the dead 3 days later. I'd say that's the ultimate "revenge" against those who came against Him, wouldn't you? They even killed Him, but yet He still lives! And He went through all that just so we could keep on living too.

Here's some good news for all of us: as long as we believe what Jesus did for us on the cross, and that He was buried, and rose again the third day - it doesn't matter what anyone does to us. We are going to live forever with Jesus. And as long as we live on this earth, Jesus will never leave us. He will always be with us. When we are sad, He is with us. When we are happy, He is with us. When we are in pain, He is with us. When we are angry, He is with us. 

When things don't go how we think they should, remember these verses are God's message straight to you:

Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ... 37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12  I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

These are the things that the Apostle Paul was enduring while he wrote the words you just read:
2 Co 11:24 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one.
25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep;
26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;
27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.

Whew! What a list! It's a good thing that we don't have to go through all those things, just for doing what God wants us to do, isn't it?

These things were written to us to help us understand that although things may not always turn out how we want them to, and even when bad things happen to us without there seeming to be any real explanation why (except for the fact that some people are just mean) we can make it through, with God's help.

We get that help from Him by knowing what He wants us to know about Him. -How much He loves us, how much knowing what Jesus did for us will give us the ability to really love God back, and how to love and forgive others - even when it seems like they don't deserve our forgiveness. This gives us peace of mind, regardless of what is going on around us. -Because we are able to focus on His love for us, instead of the bad things that some other pitiful people might do to us.

Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

"Be careful for nothing" just means "Don't let worries take over your mind."
(If there are any things in these verses that you don't understand, please let us know and we will explain.)

Xxxxx, the important thing for you to know is this: God loves you. And just because He didn't seem to answer your prayer that this would be handled in a certain way in no way means that He doesn't care for you and want what is best for you. I know God wants what is best for you, and that what is best for you is that you are equipped to handle whatever this life throws at you. This life will throw a lot of things your way that might not be pleasant. But the joy, happiness, peace and contentment that will come your way will far outweigh any hard issues that arise. -So much so, that you will often forget about all of the bad things, because you'll be too happy to even think about them. You'll also learn that there are lessons to take away from just about every situation that you find yourself in. Even what you are going through now is going to give you a positive lesson that you can take with you for the rest of your life. Remember, all things work together for GOOD for those who love God. Just keep on loving God and doing what He wants you to do.

For you to even take the time to contact us and ask this question, I believe you are a very smart young lady. I also believe that you are stronger than you even realize. I believe that you want to know whatever God wants you to know, and that you want to be who He wants you to be, and that you want to do what He wants you to do.

He wants you to know that He loves you and He is on your side. He wants you to know that if you believe what Jesus did on the cross for you: that He became the sacrifice to pay for all of our sins, shortcomings, and failures (our bad stuff), and that He was buried with all of our bad stuff, and He rose again on the third day without any of our bad stuff (meaning all of the bad stuff we could ever do was put out of God's sight by His Son.) -When we believe this, we become God's child and we stay God's child forever. He will never leave us, He will never forget about us, He will never turn His back on us.

Even if we make mistakes or do something wrong, He still loves us anyway. He loves us just like He loves Jesus. Just imagine how much your mom loves you and multiply that by the biggest number you can think of - God loves you even more than that. He loves you so much that, instead of just making things happen, He is going to let you figure some things out, with His help, and with the help of others that love you very much - so that you can learn the good lessons in whatever you are going through. These lessons will be the very things that will help you for the rest of your life. And He is going to give you peace of mind in knowing that He is with you every step of the way.

We are here for any questions you have. -Any questions at all.
Our hearts go out to you for what you have had to endure.
We are on your side, too. And we are praying for you.
Remember, you are the strong one. The bullies are the weak ones.
Our prayer for you is that you realize your strengths, that your heart remains filled with love and kindness, and that you understand how much God loves you and that He truly does want what is best for you. You are a special young lady with the ability to do spectacular things that honor God. Keep these things in your mind, and your future will be better than anything you can ever imagine, because God will work all things for His good in you - in a way that cannot be mistaken. His Glory will shine through you."

-Dear Ambassadors, please keep this very special, very young, fellow-member of the Body of Christ in your prayers.