I grew up like most children loving both my parents very much. I remember thinking to myself how I felt sorry for other children because they didn't have my parents. Childish, I know, but I was a child after all.
Everything went pretty well growing up until one day when I was 17 years old. My dad helped me land a job at a local restaurant owned by one of his friends. Every once in awhile, my dad would arrive a little after closing time to chat with his friend. And my dad and I would play pinball on a machine at the restaurant.
One evening we were playing, and I thought the machine had tilted, so I went to hit the reset button. Just as I was pushing it, my dad said, "No, don't!" But it was too late. I had already just pushed it. He immediately said, "He never was very bright." To this day I don't know what I did wrong. Well, I'm fairly certain he didn't mean what he said, and was just joking around because his friend who owned the restaurant was there with us. But, whether he meant it or not, I was devastated that he would say that at all about me. And in front of someone else. The dad whom, up to that point, I adored.
Ever since then and still to this day, when I mess up even a little bit, and this may seem silly, but at 69 years old, his words still ring in my head. And many times I become overly angry with myself even due to the smallest mishap. Not always, thankfully, and I'm improving, especially since accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I now think of my wife, children, and grandchildren differently. I handle difficult situations with others much better as well.
Since the day my dad said that to me, I have thought of times that I had pushed out of my mind previously. He wasn't around a lot because he worked as an insurance salesman, and at the time, he would spend his days at the office, and many of his evenings collecting premiums (yes, they did that back then) and selling door-to-door. Many times we kids were asleep before he arrived home.
To interject from an earlier time because it comes to mind, when I was 12 years old, I had a 50-customer paper route I hand delivered to every day, 7 days per week. My dad didn't allow me to ride my bike. I walked my route. I really enjoyed earning my own money. Every Wednesday evening I would go to each customer's house and collect for the paper. One particular evening, I collected all but 3 houses that were beyond our house down the street. It was super cold and my hands were frozen. When I went into the house, my dad was home that evening and asked, "Did you collect from everyone?" I said, "No, my hands are frozen and I didn't go to the last three. I'll go tomorrow." He said, "They are expecting you to be there tonight, so go collect from them before it gets any later." I became angry and threw my collection book against the wall and told him, "No! My hands are cold!" Well, this wasn't the first time I got the belt, and I got it good. But looking back now, I have no ill will against him for that at all. I definitely deserved it! My conduct toward my dad was inexcusable, even at that age. And I never reacted to him in that manner ever again. I ended up collecting from those last three right away, but at least I was able to warm up a little bit.
So, I'm saying all this to show how powerful our words can be to our friends and loved ones. The incident with collecting my paper route didn't affect me negatively, but after all this time, my dad saying, "He never was very bright," has cemented itself into my conscious and I cannot shake it. And even though I KNOW I am saved and sealed due to believing and trusting in Christ's finished cross work (Ephesians 1:13 and 4:30), it still makes me think sometimes, when I get to heaven, something will come up. That God is going to tell me I didn't measure up for some reason. I know it's not true, but I can't help the thought popping into my head at times.
So, I don't know if I would have grown up to allow minor instances to trigger me sometimes or not, if my dad hadn't uttered those words. I very well still could have. But at any rate, please guard yourself. Be careful what you say to others and how you say it. Even jokingly. You could negatively affect them for their lifetime.
I'll leave you with these verses which I believe are applicable: (Ephesians 6:4 KJV)
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And
(Colossians 3:21 KJV)
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
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